don't waste the wilderness

I’m sure you’ve experienced a time in your life that seemed like a wilderness. A vast expanse of unknown outstretched before you. Long days of walking with no end in sight. Aching feet and tired eyes beckoning you to sweet slumber.

"Wake on up from your slumber; baby, open up your eyes.” – Needtobreathe

We’ve all been there. We’ve all had wilderness experiences. Some few; others many. But we’ve all had them. We’re all human. 

The wilderness brings many temptations. After all... to be tempted is to be human (1 Corinthians 10:13). Among them: to give up, to lose hope, to allow our focus and purpose to give way to disillusionment and doubt.

Maybe you're struggling with infertility. Maybe you're battling an illness. Maybe you have a sick child. There are things in this life I'll never fully understand this side of heaven.

But we're in good company. Jesus himself experienced a wilderness time in which He was tempted by Satan in the desert. Yet it was that very time in the wilderness that was the launching point for Jesus’ ministry.

And Moses... As Phillip Yancey and Tim Stafford reflect on Exodus:

"[Moses'] career had to wait, though for a period of humbling in the desert... [He] fled Egypt as a brash, self-confident man who liked to take matters into his own hands. Forty years later he reluctantly returned, with little besides a stick and a donkey."

And we all know what Moses went on to do. (Hint: There was a sea. It was red.)

I truly believe that your greatest trials become your greatest ministry. That sometimes God allows us to be tested, tried, and tempted to bring us to a place in our lives where we can be used exponentially more to bring glory to His kingdom.

I’ve experienced a wilderness or two… in my career, in years of singleness, in years of living with physical pain, among others. In giving up social media for Lent this year, I reflect on the metaphor it provides for other wilderness experiences I have experienced, am experiencing now, and will experience in the future.

To me it was a tiny reflection of a bigger picture - a “mini-wilderness” experiment of sorts in which I was able to see myself leave my “comfort zone,” enter a time of testing of discipline, and be emptied. And then I was able to see myself stretched, refined, and filled by greater things.

So my prayer as I continue on in this life, my prayer for those I love, and my prayer for those I don't know personally is that no matter how unknown, uncertain, and unstable the path before us and land around us may seem, that we keep our eyes fixed on our Creator, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). My prayer is that we would not “wish away” the wilderness, but rather relish in the abyss, for we know that we will be delivered.

“The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom.” – 2 Timothy 4:18

Sometimes the most valuable lessons are learned in the midst of the unknown. Sometimes our richest growth comes when we feel stripped, stunted, and weak. And when we feel the most lost? Well, that’s when we’re able to be found.

"You brought me here out on my own
to find my way through things unknown.
I know that I can't make it without You.
When days are long and skies are gray, 
I'll walk with You; You lead the way.
Some say that I am lost, but that's not true
'Cause really I am found by You."
 - Across the Sky, Found by You

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are you at the end of your rope?

Have you ever felt as if you were hanging on by a thread? At the end of your rope? Have you felt as if today were just too much to face, not to mention tomorrow, the week after that, and the week after that?

Sometimes life and it's burdens can weigh us down - emotionally, physically, mentally... spiritually. So much so that it feels as if they are pulling us to the ground, making it seem impossible to hold on, like our hands are losing grip.

"They were at their wits' end." - Psalm 107:27

I was at my family's ranch this summer (hence the flip flops). I woke up early in the morning, grabbed a hot cup of coffee, and settled out on the porch to have my quiet time.

I was a little disappointed that for the few hours I got to spend there on a short visit from LA, it was cloudy and rainy. But I was determined to enjoy my time there nonetheless, to make the most of this escape from busy city life to the peaceful contrast of nature.

So I ventured out under dark storm clouds to the rope swing. And, of course, it was there I found inspiration.

For as I was swinging on this huge rope swing, for a moment - just a moment - I didn't have a care in the world. And I got to thinking - or wishing rather - for the days of childhood.

Oh, how I long for those days. The days of running around barefoot. The days of playing outside until dark. 

As adults, the word "dark" comes with different meaning as we experience more darkness in our lives with each passing year - deaths of loved ones, deaths of relationships, financial struggles, you name it.

But then I got to thinking... Here I was, in the darkness of these storm clouds, and yet I had found such a brightness, a lightness of my soul, and immense joy in the simplest of activities.

What if we were able to do that when "storm clouds" appeared in our lives? What if we were able to find immense joy in the simplest of things - simply knowing who we are in Christ?

We are children of God. And He is our loving Father. While that doesn't mean we won't experience clouds and darkness, it does mean that He is there for us always. Even when we feel we have come to the end of ourselves. Especially when we feel we have come to the end of ourselves.

"Cause my whole world is caving in, but I feel you more than I did then. I have now come to the end of me, but somehow still I have all I need." - Josh Wilson, Fall Apart

“I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness.” – Ezekiel 34:12 

The Lord is faithful. He will never abandon us. He will never let go.

"Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm." - Matt Redman, You Never Let Go

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress." - Psalm 107:28 

"I am holding onto you. In the middle of the storm, I am holding on." - Crowder, I Am

He's holding on, my friend. Won't you? 

are you gasping for air?

Recently the Lord spoke to me very clearly. I scrambled for the notes section of my phone at 3:07am to write down these words that appeared on my lips:

"When you walk through the waters, I will be with you."

I couldn't not have been more certain this was God speaking directly to me. And I could not have been more confused as to why He was telling me these particular words.

But walk through the waters I did.

What I didn't know at the time was that I was about to go through a pretty difficult season in my life. It wasn't until weeks later - until after I had entered into this unforeseen difficult season - that I stumbled across the following verse:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you." - Isaiah 43:2 

When I read these words, I was so reassured that it was God speaking to me in my dream that night, telling me something I needed to hear even before I knew I needed to hear it. 

While I was sleeping, He was working. 

He's just that good. He's just that faithful. He will find a way to reassure us, to guide us, to speak to us... even while we are sleeping.

"For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men as they slumber in their beds, he may speak in their ears..." - Job 33:15-16 

I was about to enter the waters. Maybe you are, too. Maybe you've found yourself there in past. Maybe you're there now...

In a difficult season of life... maybe you have lost your job, maybe your health has been compromised, maybe you are struggling in a relationship... maybe all of the above.

Sometimes it can feel like the waters are rising over our heads, like we are on our tip toes gasping for air. Sometimes it just may seem like it's all too much and we are going to be swept away.

But our God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And His promise in that verse in Isaiah stands true today. So remember, friend: whatever waters through which you are walking, they will not sweep over you.

"Surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." - Psalm 32:6-7

What blessed reassurance. Our feet may fail, but His will not.

"You call me out upon that waters

the great unknown where feet may fail... 

But I will call upon Your name 

and keep my eyes above the waves. 

When oceans rise 

my soul will rest in Your embrace, 

for I am Yours 

and You are mine." 

- Hillsong, Oceans

cut open to be healed

I've been thinking a lot lately about being cut open. Maybe because I recently had surgery. Maybe because I'm just morbid like that.

If you've read any of my posts about health, you know I am totally sold on holistic healing. Don't even get me started on Western medicine - how corporate it is, how people just want a pill for everything, how doctors will just prescribe that pill for everything...

But as big of a holistic proponent as I am, I do realize sometimes we need Western medicine. Like when you have to be cut open...

I had a hernia that could not heal on its own. In order for it to heal - for me to be healed - I had to be cut open and stitched up. Which got me thinking... Isn't that what the Lord does in our lives? Cuts us open so we can be healed?

"If you allow it, [suffering] can be the means by which God brings you His greatest blessings." - Charles Swindoll 

God doesn't create pain or trials, but he does allow us to experience them - to grow our character, to mold our hearts, to help us become more like Him. If we look to Him throughout our time of "being cut open," He will heal us, He will restore us, and He will make us new.

Just as precious metals are put through fire to cleanse them of impurities and to refine them, so the Lord allows us to be put through fire to cleanse and refine our souls.

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perished even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." - 1 Peter 1:6-7

The Lord uses our time of weakness to provide us with a new strength in Him. He is faithful. He will never leave or forsake us. In fact, the Bible says time and time again that Christ bears our burdens for us.

He's our comforter in times of pain. He's our protector in times of fear. He's ever present when we feel all alone.

"Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." - Isaiah 53:4-5 

What is it you are going through in your life today that feels like you are being cut open? Have you experienced a loss? Are you struggling in a relationship? Job? Are you just tired of it all and feel you've come to the end of yourself?

My prayer for myself and for all of you is that we will "greatly rejoice" in our trials knowing the God of the universe cares more about our souls than even we do. Yes, He loves us that much.

Jesus allowed Himself to be literally cut open for us. I'm okay being figuratively cut open for Him.

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it's not about me

Today is Krissi’s birthday. She would have been 27. I think about her life, and I wonder what she would be doing now, who she would be, where she would live. I wonder if she would still have that same infectious laugh, if we would still be quoting those same lines from Friends.

Then I think about my life. Am I where I thought I would be at 27? That’s a firm "no." When I was 18, I never would have thought I'd be an actress in LA. Man, how cool is that? Even on my worst day here, I need to be so thankful that I am here pursuing this amazing thing, that I am fortunate enough to be able to be on this incredible journey.

My dad always says, 

“Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” 

We don’t know when our time on this earth will end. If we are constantly living for tomorrow, then what are we doing? Tomorrow may never come. We have today. We wake up each day with the opportunity to spread some light, to make a difference.

That’s what Krissi did. She made the most of the relationships she had. She knew she wasn’t guaranteed another year, another month, another day even. She took every opportunity to witness to the people God had put in her life. She made a difference where she was planted.

We don’t have to go to Africa, to the ends of the earth, to make a difference. There are so many opportunities all around us if we will just be present. 

“Be very careful, then, how you live… making the most of every opportunity.” - Ephesians 5:15-16

It's not about us. It’s about God. It's about His plan. 

I am so selfish sometimes asking God for things. I never hesitate to tell Him what I want... How many times have I gone to bed at night without thanking Him for all the blessings He has given me? Too many.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe God has you right where He wants you? Not for your own benefit, but for His? 

Maybe you aren’t married yet, maybe you don’t have a baby yet, maybe you haven’t booked that dream role or gotten that promotion... not because God is punishing you or you have done something wrong. But because right where you are in this moment is where you need to be in order to make the most difference for His kingdom. 

Maybe our "light and momentary struggles" really are achieving for Him an eternal glory that far outweighs them all (2 Corinthians 4:17). 

When I was burying one of my dearest friends just days after her eighteenth birthday, just days before we would walk across that stage in our cap and gown, I was heartbroken. I still am. 

I think about how I had to grow up too fast. But then I think about how it’s not about me. 

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