it's not about me

Today is Krissi’s birthday. She would have been 27. I think about her life, and I wonder what she would be doing now, who she would be, where she would live. I wonder if she would still have that same infectious laugh, if we would still be quoting those same lines from Friends.

Then I think about my life. Am I where I thought I would be at 27? That’s a firm "no." When I was 18, I never would have thought I'd be an actress in LA. Man, how cool is that? Even on my worst day here, I need to be so thankful that I am here pursuing this amazing thing, that I am fortunate enough to be able to be on this incredible journey.

My dad always says, 

“Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” 

We don’t know when our time on this earth will end. If we are constantly living for tomorrow, then what are we doing? Tomorrow may never come. We have today. We wake up each day with the opportunity to spread some light, to make a difference.

That’s what Krissi did. She made the most of the relationships she had. She knew she wasn’t guaranteed another year, another month, another day even. She took every opportunity to witness to the people God had put in her life. She made a difference where she was planted.

We don’t have to go to Africa, to the ends of the earth, to make a difference. There are so many opportunities all around us if we will just be present. 

“Be very careful, then, how you live… making the most of every opportunity.” - Ephesians 5:15-16

It's not about us. It’s about God. It's about His plan. 

I am so selfish sometimes asking God for things. I never hesitate to tell Him what I want... How many times have I gone to bed at night without thanking Him for all the blessings He has given me? Too many.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe God has you right where He wants you? Not for your own benefit, but for His? 

Maybe you aren’t married yet, maybe you don’t have a baby yet, maybe you haven’t booked that dream role or gotten that promotion... not because God is punishing you or you have done something wrong. But because right where you are in this moment is where you need to be in order to make the most difference for His kingdom. 

Maybe our "light and momentary struggles" really are achieving for Him an eternal glory that far outweighs them all (2 Corinthians 4:17). 

When I was burying one of my dearest friends just days after her eighteenth birthday, just days before we would walk across that stage in our cap and gown, I was heartbroken. I still am. 

I think about how I had to grow up too fast. But then I think about how it’s not about me. 

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