Riva won 7 awards

Riva won 7 awards. 

And I could not be more proud of my fellow filmmakers, Chris Wiegand and Alan Tregoning. It was both a joy and honor to create this film with you. 

Also, I must thank God for His provision in completely showing up at every step along the way from clearly working in the hearts of crazy generous people - who let us film at their locations, created our entire wardrobe, and so much more - to His provision in keeping me from getting bitten by the snakes in that water! 

As I got home well after midnight - after all the excitement of the after party, red carpet photos and interviews, and meeting our amazingly talented fellow filmmakers and award-winners - all was still and quiet. And I couldn't help but think:

"That's it?"

These awards are my first ever in the entertainment industry (besides winning Best Actress at a showcase in 2009.) I've watched many awards shows on TV from my couch - the Emmys, Grammys, Academy Awards and others - and I've thought, "How cool it must be to be there! How great to be getting recognized! How... fulfilling!" 

But as I experienced it all for myself (though just to be clear, I am not comparing this to the Academy Awards by any means!), as I was the one walking up to receive awards, and I was the one giving that acceptance speech... I was also the one coming home to a quiet house after all was said and done, on a Sunday night before a Monday morning when it's back to the grind and wondering if I will ever work again in this town! 

As crazy as it seems, I've heard successful filmmakers and famous actors say they have the same doubts. They have the same fears. And I know some feel the loneliness and weight of that quiet when they find themselves in that calm after the storm - that inner emptiness that continually lurks despite the greatest amount of worldly "fulfillment." 

I felt a tugging at my heart for all those actors and filmmakers who don't know Christ. I long for them to know His love, to find their worth in Him, their acceptance by Him, and their fulfillment in Him. I long for them to know they are His child, He is their Father, and they don't have to fear. 

"I'm no longer a slave to fear; I am a child of God." - Bethel Music, No Longer Slaves

Because at the end of the day, when the bright lights of the stage and flashbulbs fade, there is only one true light that remains, that endures through all the "hype," that cuts through the darkness without fail. Every time. 

There was a swelling sadness in my heart that arose amidst the great joy from the evening. With a heavy heart, I prayed for those who don't know Christ in this industry. 

And with a grateful heart I thanked God for His goodness in encouraging me along in my career - on this journey that often seems so rocky, so winding, dark and unknown. I thanked Him for being the faithful One who makes my crooked paths straight (Isaiah 45:2), who leads me by still waters (Psalm 23:2), who calms the storms of life (Psalm 107:29), and who brings me fulfillment - not the fulfillment that comes from worldly recognition and praise, but the fulfillment that comes from knowing who I am in Him. 

I would love to continue working in the entertainment industry. I love acting. I love writing. I love storytelling. I love creating quality content to be consumed by believers and non-believers alike - content that is pure, that gets people thinking, that is high quality, and that ultimately points all to Christ. 

But I know there is much I can't control in this industry, and I know there is much I can't control in my life (and thank God for that!) But I also know that wherever the Lord leads, whatever doors He opens (or doesn't!), that I will be used by Him, that He will guide me on the path He chooses, and that as long as I look to Him, seek to glorify Him, always give Him the recognition, honor, and praise - where He leads, I will follow. And I will be fulfilled. 

I am beyond grateful for the recognition we received last night for our film, Riva - one that represents a ton of hard work, of literal blood, sweat, and tears, and years of pounding the pavement in this industry. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to create this film and for everything the 168 Film Project is doing. There are some incredible films created through it, and I'm thrilled to share ours with you soon. 

Thank you for reading my scattered thoughts and reflections. To Him be all the recognition. 

Riva won the following awards at the 168 Film Festival:

Best Editor

Best Director

Best Cinematography

Best Scriptural Integration

Best Supporting Actress

Best Actress

Best Film

Stay tuned. We will eventually post the full 11-minute version of our short film, Riva. But in the meantime, you may watch the trailer here!

what am I doing with my life?

I love the mornings. The day is fresh. I am renewed. My energy is restored. 

As I walk down to the ocean, I feel a strange sense of peace wash over me. In the mornings I have more "life is good" moments than "what am I doing with my life?!" ones. 

It's day 3 of my challenge, and I'm feeling pretty awesome. I'll be honest though: Yesterday I had another moment of doubt, of frustration, of shouting - albeit playfully, to my sweet boyfriend who so patiently listens to my frustrations - "I'm tired of waiting!!" 

I think back on my day and the highs and lows of yesterday, and I am convicted by my continuation to doubt what God is doing with my life and with how quickly I forget. 

"How quickly I forget I'm yours." - Addison Road, Hope Now

I had an interview with a Christian magazine yesterday about our 168 film, Riva, a short film I helped create for the 168 Film Festival. A film that has a pretty cool story for me behind it. A film that has now been nominated for ten awards!

As I answered the questions and did my best to convey what the process was like - from drawing the verse, Mark 5:34, to writing it, casting it, securing locations, actors, wardrobe and props, to filming and editing it in just 168 hours, and everything in between - I was reminded of just how much God did show up in that project. From start to finish, He never let me down. 

The Lord completely showed up and blessed our film shoot in Athens, Texas. He led me feet and guided my path.

And therein lies the conviction I feel when doubts continue to creep into the dark corners of my mind, when my impatience grows strong and my grumbling stronger, when I become so self-focused that I can't possibly become God-focused. 

I'm sure you've felt like I have. Both encouraged in seasons of life when God seems to be on your side, so clearly evident in guiding your path, yet discouraged in seasons when He seems to be in some far off distance, leaving you feeling abandoned and alone on a rocky and winding path. 

I'm sure you, too, have asked the question, "What am I doing with my life?!" 

Well, while I can't answer that question for you - or even for myself at the moment - if there's one thing I know to do when I have such thoughts, it's to seek Truth. And the Truths God so faithfully and gently reminds me are - among others: 

"See? I am doing a new thing! Do you not perceive it? I am making a roadway in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19)

"Behold, I am making all things new." (Revelation 21:5)

"I will never leave or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:8)

"I uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

"I will lead you beside still waters." (Psalm 23:2)

"I will never let your foot slip." (Psalm 121:3)

"I am with you always, to the ends of the age." (Matthew 28:20)

He is there when we don't feel him. He has answers amidst our questions. 

I've realized I have my question all wrong. It's not "what am I doing with my life?" but "what is He doing with my life?"

And doing with my life - something great, something unknown, something better than anything plan I could ever conjure up - He is. And He is doing the same in yours. He will bring the good work He started in us to completion (Philippians 1:6). 

Next time we find ourselves on an unpredictable path, let's remember the One who is guiding us. 

Next time our faith wavers, let's remember the One who is constant.

Next time we doubt, let's remember the One who is certain in our lives. 

"Lord, I find you in the seeking. Lord, I find you in the doubt." - All Sons and Daughters, Oh How I Need You

When it feels like we are waiting, He is working. 

When it feels like we are wandering, He is guiding. 

When it feel like we don't know what we're doing with our life, He does. 

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine...

crying "mercy"

Mercy.

It’s the universal word for “enough,” “stop,” “cease.”

I used to call it out when my dad and I would wrestle and he would tickle me so hard I couldn’t breathe. Lately I’ve been calling it out to my heavenly dad – and not because I’ve been laughing so hard.

Enough waiting. Stop the madness. Cease this striving.

Those are the thoughts that have been swimming through my head.

I’ve been waiting for financial provision in my career.
I am overcome by the “madness” that is the entertainment industry – so tainted, so lost.
I’ve been striving to be used by God in a big way in my acting and writing.

For seven years. I guess you could say I’m at the “seven year itch” of my career.

Yesterday, the 168 Film Festival announced the nominees for awards this year. I produced, co-wrote and starred in a film called Riva. I poured my heart and soul into this project. Pour out blood, sweat, and tears. Literally. I was scratched by thorns, eaten by bugs, drenched in rain. I was covered in mud, deprived of sleep, and swam with snakes.

And it was one of the best weeks of my life.

Sitting there with the cast and crew watching the completed film was so incredible, so rewarding, yet so… defeating.

Let me explain: While half of me rejoices in getting to create – to write and to act, to do what truly makes my soul come alive – half of me feels sad, longing to be able to do so more and do so for a living.

And to do so for the Lord? Well, what more could I ask? (This is a Christian festival. Each film is written from a Bible verse. Ours was Mark 5:34 – “And he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from suffering.’”  You may watch the Riva trailer here).

Every fiber of my being longs to write, act, and create – beautiful stories, funny stories, just quality, wholesome stories. And while I have been doing so to a certain extent, there is only so much you can control in this industry.

For instance, I can create a concept, write a series, even film the pilot episode. But then it’s fate lies in the hands of others.

I try to stay positive, to let go, to remind myself that God is in control. But that in itself is confusing to me at times. If God is in control, then He has the power and ability to open all doors for my career…

But He isn’t. And I’m tired. Mercy, I’m tired.

My cute aunt once said in her Southern accent, “I’m tired… Mercy, I’m tired.” And it’s been our little family joke/saying ever since. “Mercy, I’m tired.”

Well, I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday who made me want to cry mercy a bit less and gave me a bit more energy to press on in this crazy industry. She said to me:

“What if you are waiting for God to bring you an opportunity, to provide for you financially… and He already has. What if you’ve already written that story, made the connection, walked through the door and just don’t know it yet?”

Such sweet truth.

When I feel like God isn’t showing up, when it seems He isn’t using me or providing for me, maybe He is. Maybe it just doesn’t look like I want it to. Maybe I just can’t see it yet.

So today, as I start anew, in the midst of the waiting, the longing, and the bittersweet victories, I will cease calling “mercy.” I will press on, face a new day, and find peace in Psalm 46:10:

“Cease striving and know that I am God.”

He is faithful. He’s never failed me yet. Why would He start now?

Riva was nominated for the following awards:

Best Film

Best Director: Chris Wiegand

Best Actress: Meredith Adams

Best Supporting Actress: Andrea Cohen

Best Scriptural Integration (use of Foundational Scripture): Meredith Adams & Alan Tregoning

Best Cinematography: Chris Wiegand

Best Editor: Chris Wiegand

Best Sound Design: Chris Wiegand

Best Production Design: Robin Cook & Chris Wiegand

Best Hair & Makeup: Meredith Adams

Congratulations to my amazing team of fellow filmmakers: Chris Wiegand, Alan Tregoning, Robin Cook, Andrea Cohen, Luke Coffee, and Grant James. As well as my amazingly generous parents for helping out beyond what is normal for any human being.

The 168 Film Festival will he held in Los Angeles August 29-30.

the edge of tomorrow

We've all pondered the thought before...

"If only I could know what was going to happen, if only I could know how it will all turn out, if only I could just see the future... then my life would be so much easier/I would have so much less anxiety/everything would be okay."

I recently saw The Edge of Tomorrow, starring Tom Cruise. In the movie, Tom's character can see the future because he's lived it before; he keeps living the same day over and over... until he is able to beat the bad guys, save the world, and win the girl, of course.

In the Old Testament, King Joram is also given a glimpse the future. After seven days of fighting against the king of Moab, the men had run out of water, at which point King Joram exclaimed, "What! Has the Lord called us three kings together only to hand us over to Moab?" (2 Kings 3:10).

He immediately doubted! Now, I'm not judging... Isn't that what we all do? I know I do.

All too often, when things look bleak, my first reaction is, "What!" immediately followed by some series of doubting questions to the Lord.

Well, thankfully the Lord is patient with me - with us - as he was with King Joram. Despite his doubting, the Lord tells him very clearly what the future holds - that they will have water and they will conquer Moab.

God may not give us a vision of what tomorrow looks like, like Tom. And He may not explicitly tell us what lies head, as with King Joram. But He is faithful, and He will provide a way. Even when we don't see a way. Especially when we don't see a way. For He tells us:

"I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." - Isaiah 43:19

We may have no evidence of any provision to come, no reason to believe there will be "water." But isn't that how God likes to work? In ways unexplainable. In ways that can only be explained by the mystery of His provision and His provision only.

"You will see neither wind nor rain, yet this valley will be filled with water." - 2 Kings 3:17

What do you wish you could see of your future? What are the places of desolation in your life? I know I'd love to see the future of my acting career. To have some reassurance that success is on the way. This career certainly does seem desolate at times.

But what if instead of doubt and worry and despair, we had hope in that the more desolation there is today, the greater the opportunity for the Lord's provision there is tomorrow.

The Lord wants to bless us. But He wants to bless us in a way that results in us pointing it all back to Him, give Him the glory for our successes.

Being able to see the future would be great. It would certainly give us less anxiety in regards to the unknown. But it would also be boring. And much less fulfilling. For us and for God.

With each passing day we stand at the edge of another unknown, at "the edge of tomorrow." The question is, what kind of faith will we have today?

jersey boys

I saw a screening of Jersey Boys last night. It was amazing.

I have a special place in my heart for all of those songs as I grew up listening to my dad sing them around the house and play them for me as well.

I connect with music so deeply. And this story of how these four guys came together and created this amazing music is so interesting... full of amazing, incredible moments but also so full of hardship and pain.

As I was sitting there in the movie I thought, "There really is a price to fame."

Something has to be accounted for, something will be neglected, when you are that famous and that successful, when you are doing something with your life that is that demanding and time-consuming.

In Franki Valli's case, the price was his family. It unraveled.

Franki had a special connection with one of his daughters in particular, Francine. There is this moment in the film when Francine has run away (I think she's about 15 years old), and Franki flies halfway across the country and ends up finding her in the city. They sit at a diner and she doesn't say a word, but her reactions reveal everything she is thinking.

Franki just talks to her... She wants to become a singer. She has an amazing voice. But she is potentially going down the wrong path, rebelling and getting into trouble. Franki tells her that he knows what it feels like... And then he said something that stuck with me so clearly. He said:

"You feel like you have this great gift you want to share with the world. But you feel like no one cares."

Those words resonated in my mind long after I had left the theater, long after I had driven home amidst the flashing lights on Sunset, long after I had made it into my bed. As those words played on loop in my mind, I became increasingly overwhelmed with emotion.

That is exactly how I feel.

drop the gun. shredtown.

Where do I begin in saying just how proud of my brother that I am? 

The premiere of Shredtown's first full-length film has been met with an overwhelming response. Drop the Gun has arrived. Do yourself a favor. Drop what you're doing and watch Drop the Gun.

My brother, Andrew, has a spirit of passion - for greatness, for success, for excellence - in all that he does. 

I will never forget sitting at our family's lakehouse one summer day when Andrew plopped down at the barstool next to me with a logo in hand. The Shredtown logo. He had just been playing around and created it. It's the same logo they use today.

See, while I may not have thought much about this logo, I'm sure Andrew did. He had a vision. And he took that vision, and he put his heart and his soul into it. And together with Chris Abadie and Davis Griffin, these three boys have truly revolutionized the wakeboarding industry.

Andrew Adams

Chris Abadie

Davis Griffin

Radical. Cutting-edge. Trendsetting. Innovative. Visionary. These are the words I think of when I think of Davis, Chris, and Andrew.

the grass is greener...

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a Q&A at Bel Air Presbyterian with DeVon Franklin, the Senior VP of Production at Columbia Pictures, about the making of Heaven Is For Real.

He shared all sorts of interesting stories about how the making of the film:
- How all of the right people fell into place to get this film made who were believers.
- How there was a woman who couldn't get pregnant for years and year, and when she finally did she said she felt the Lord was calling her to put her baby in this movie, and that was the baby in the film.
- How all of the actors reduced their rates so the production could stay within it's limited budget because they were so passionate about this project.

Truly some incredible stories.

The Lord is doing some great things in the entertainment industry. Some people are referring to 2014 as "the year of the Christian film" with Heaven Is For Real, Noah, God's Not Dead, Son of God...

Something DeVon said really stood out to me. And I am paraphrasing here:

A lot of Christians sit around and bash the entertainment industry - how inappropriate everything is, how there's nothing wholesome out there. The entertainment industry is saturated with "secular" content. What we can do is dilute the concentration of that content with "Christian" content. 

What people need to do - what Christians need to do - instead, is to contribute to the entertainment industry instead of bashing it. Give them a faith-based film as an option to see on a Friday night. Give people wholesome content as an option to consume. 

I love that perspective. DeVon is such a dynamic, powerful person. The Holy Spirit is so alive in Him. This man's love for Jesus radiates through him. He has a true gift in speaking and his passion is so contagious.

I left feeling more motivated than ever before to get the projects I have going off the ground. DeVon encouraged everyone there to follow through with whatever passion is in your heart - whether it's writing, acting, producing.

taking God out of the equation

These thoughts are a continuation from my recent post, The Secret. I feel as if I have been reading/watching content that is so related to this idea...

Our society has taken God out of the equation. 

Maybe in an effort to be more "accepting" of everyone who has different beliefs. Sometimes I feel like even Christians do it, too. Like they are afraid to stand up for what they believe because they are afraid they will offend people or appear unaccepting or unloving. I know I've been guilty of it on some level in the past.

But we are called to "go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." (Mark 16:15)

Instead of doing so, we are taking God out of the equation. And replacing Him with...

Humanism?

The Secret

I know I'm a little late in the game to The Secret, but I never read the book. And I just watched the movie last night on Netflix.

First off, I'll say that I really liked this film. (Sidebar: If I am being completely honest, I have to admit I think the actual film could have been done with a little more creative excellence and a little less cheesy acting, but I liked the ideas/concept/content. But I digress.) I have to admit when I first started watching, as a Christian, I was a little skeptical. A lot of the ideas they were talking about and the principles they were discussing sounded awful familiar - like you could replace what they were talking about with faith in God.

I kept thinking, this is all Biblical. They're just taking God out of it.

Noah

There have been lots of mixed reviews surrounding the film Noah, particularly in the Christian community. Some are outraged at the way the story differs from that of the Bible. Others say that any film that gets people thinking about God, Creation, salvation, and eternity is a good thing.

I'm going with the latter.

While the film is not Biblically accurate, I personally didn't think it was terribly offensive. Before I saw the film I re-read the story of Noah in the Bible to see exactly what was written. Then I went into the movie knowing that this was not the actual story of Noah, that this was Hollywood's version of Noah.

I thought that it was really neat seeing the way they built the ark and how that looked. Growing up I always saw these perfect images of pretty little boats...

when really it looked more like this....

American Blogger: The First Journey

American Blogger is now available for purchase at www.americanblogger.com! You will get the full length documentary along with four other short films that Chris has made.

I watched the film last night, and it is beautifully made. I am inspired by so many of the women's stories, full of heartache and loss, laughter and joy. It is so neat to see how these women have used blogging to express themselves and find community throughout difficult times such as miscarriage and cancer, as well as just to have a creative outlet for the things in life about which they are passionate!

Unfortunately the release of the trailer also came with the release of some criticism, so Chris has included a "disclaimer" which you can read below. Ultimately, Chris is a dedicated, passionate, creative and talented filmmaker, and I hope the world will see that his heart was always in the right place. I believe many people merely misunderstood his goals and his plan for this film.

I hope you will read his words below, and I hope you will enjoy the film!

Spring Breakers

So last night I saw the film Spring Breakers. I knew it was Selena Gomez’s first edgy film, and I was curious to see what all the hype was about. I thought it would be some light-hearted party flick, but turns out it was not at all what I expected.

The film is dark and full of drinking, nudity, drug use, threesomes, and murder. Now, I am conservative but I can handle a film with most of the abovementioned content if there is some redemptive value… some lesson to be learned… some sort of character growth. But I felt this film was almost completely void of any of that.

The girls in the film want to get out of their small town where they are in school. They want to experience something new and different from the everyday routine they are in. They want to feel alive. They want to find themselves.

Everyone here on this earth is trying to find a deeper meaning, some sort of purpose, a reason for it all. I think so many people get into drugs, violence, sexual experimentation, etc. because they are searching to fill a void. I believe we are all inherently eternal creatures. We were made to long for deeper meaning, an eternal perspective, something more than just this life here and living for today.

The world and the things of this world will never fulfill us. We will always want more. This is made evident by unhappy millionaires and depressed billionaires. The people in this world will constantly let us down. Even the ones who love us. Especially the ones who love us. We can’t look outside ourselves for happiness and fulfillment, or we will constantly be chasing the elusive water across the never-ending desert.

red carpets and deep thoughts

I'm writing this post from my childhood bedroom, just having been to my first red carpet premiere. It wasn't a studio feature. It was an independent film with no budget. And I couldn't have been more excited about it. It is a sweet story and we had a great cast and crew. 9 cast members and 1 crew member, the talented Chris Wiegand.

   

It meant everything to have my entire family there and friends I've known my whole life. The past eight days have been pretty surreal seeing myself on both the small screen and the big screen for the first time ever. I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunities I've been given and seeing the results of years of hard work and persistence in a career that has no guarantees.