don't waste the wilderness

I’m sure you’ve experienced a time in your life that seemed like a wilderness. A vast expanse of unknown outstretched before you. Long days of walking with no end in sight. Aching feet and tired eyes beckoning you to sweet slumber.

"Wake on up from your slumber; baby, open up your eyes.” – Needtobreathe

We’ve all been there. We’ve all had wilderness experiences. Some few; others many. But we’ve all had them. We’re all human. 

The wilderness brings many temptations. After all... to be tempted is to be human (1 Corinthians 10:13). Among them: to give up, to lose hope, to allow our focus and purpose to give way to disillusionment and doubt.

Maybe you're struggling with infertility. Maybe you're battling an illness. Maybe you have a sick child. There are things in this life I'll never fully understand this side of heaven.

But we're in good company. Jesus himself experienced a wilderness time in which He was tempted by Satan in the desert. Yet it was that very time in the wilderness that was the launching point for Jesus’ ministry.

And Moses... As Phillip Yancey and Tim Stafford reflect on Exodus:

"[Moses'] career had to wait, though for a period of humbling in the desert... [He] fled Egypt as a brash, self-confident man who liked to take matters into his own hands. Forty years later he reluctantly returned, with little besides a stick and a donkey."

And we all know what Moses went on to do. (Hint: There was a sea. It was red.)

I truly believe that your greatest trials become your greatest ministry. That sometimes God allows us to be tested, tried, and tempted to bring us to a place in our lives where we can be used exponentially more to bring glory to His kingdom.

I’ve experienced a wilderness or two… in my career, in years of singleness, in years of living with physical pain, among others. In giving up social media for Lent this year, I reflect on the metaphor it provides for other wilderness experiences I have experienced, am experiencing now, and will experience in the future.

To me it was a tiny reflection of a bigger picture - a “mini-wilderness” experiment of sorts in which I was able to see myself leave my “comfort zone,” enter a time of testing of discipline, and be emptied. And then I was able to see myself stretched, refined, and filled by greater things.

So my prayer as I continue on in this life, my prayer for those I love, and my prayer for those I don't know personally is that no matter how unknown, uncertain, and unstable the path before us and land around us may seem, that we keep our eyes fixed on our Creator, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). My prayer is that we would not “wish away” the wilderness, but rather relish in the abyss, for we know that we will be delivered.

“The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom.” – 2 Timothy 4:18

Sometimes the most valuable lessons are learned in the midst of the unknown. Sometimes our richest growth comes when we feel stripped, stunted, and weak. And when we feel the most lost? Well, that’s when we’re able to be found.

"You brought me here out on my own
to find my way through things unknown.
I know that I can't make it without You.
When days are long and skies are gray, 
I'll walk with You; You lead the way.
Some say that I am lost, but that's not true
'Cause really I am found by You."
 - Across the Sky, Found by You

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If you liked this post, you may enjoy: into the wilderness, out of the wilderness, a decade of pain

how do we measure success?

How do we measure success?

A number in our bank account?

A title on our office door?

A picture-perfect Christmas card?

From a young age, we are taught to measure. To count. To assign value. We are taught to achieve. To excel. To succeed. But what are we taught to succeed in? Power? Wealth? Status?

We can't ignore what's been ingrained in us from a young age. Nor should we. Working hard, excelling, creating, building, providing, achieving - these are all great things, necessary things - even Biblical things.

Jeremiah 29:5 tells us,"build houses... plant gardens and eat what they produce." Psalm 138:7-8 advises, "do not abandon the work or your hands." And Haggai 2:4, "'Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the Lord, 'and work...'"

We are not called to not succeed. We are certainly not called to be lazy (Romans 12:11, 2 Thessalonians 3:10, Proverbs 24:33-34).

So when it comes down to the heart of the matter - when it comes down to our hearts - how should we measure success?

In his book Reaching Out, Henri Nouwen says,

"But it is of great importance that we leave the world of measurements behind when we speak about the life of the Spirit." 

We live in a society that values validation. We live in a culture that constantly measures productivity. But what if our desires for output and achievement were replaced by a desire for a true and deep relationship with Christ and a soul-consuming presence of the Holy Spirit?

My time in the "wilderness" of no social media may not have been measured by the tangible - "likes," "followers," and "retweets" - but it was marked by the intangible - and an incomparable - shift in perspective... one which I hope to maintain as I re-enter the world - the world of social media that is.

For I was so graciously reminded that I am not defined by the measures of this world - by the number of dollars in my bank account, by the number of acting jobs I book, or the number of Instagram followers I have (though apparently that helps with booking acting jobs these days).

while I would love to book more roles in tv and film, I know they won't satisfy me in the long run, that they are neither my purpose nor my measure of success here in LA.

Rather, I am defined by measures of my heart - the way I care for and love the people God has brought into my life, the way I seek out ways to serve His kingdom, the way I seek to know Him and spend time with Him.

I found this cedar medallion from my time as a camper at Pine Cove. what a better measure of achievement than a report card assessing grades or a gold medal assessing skill - rather an evaluation of who I am, not what I do. don't mind the misspelled name :)

As 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us,

"People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

It's a daily battle to maintain this perspective, to be reminded of this truth. As a Type A doer and achiever, I really like to accomplish the tangible - to write a certain number of pages in my screenplay, to check things off my to-do list, to "measure" the productivity of my day...

But what if I found a greater satisfaction in measures which are far more difficult to count, but far more important in this life? The measures of the heart...

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about you; it's all about you, Jesus. I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it when it's all about you..." - Matt Redman, Heart of Worship

Never have those words rung more convicting and true.

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If you liked this post, you may enjoy "into the wilderness," "out of the wilderness," "Criminal Minds: Part 1," "Criminal Minds: Part 2"

out of the wilderness

One may associate a “fast” with the word “desert.” And one may confuse the word “desert” with that of “wilderness.”

I certainly felt as if I was entering a desert of sorts giving up – or “fasting” – all social media and blogging. I released hold of the connectivity to which I’d grown accustomed at my fingertips, and I entered into a time of forty days of solitude.

The thing about a desert is there is no water. No life-sustaining properties. Just dust. And dirt. And sand.

The thing about a wilderness, on the other hand, is that while it may seem like a desert at first glance – with no shortage of dust and dirt and sand – a wilderness has life-sustaining properties. At any twist or turn in your journey, you just might find some shade under the branches of a palm tree or some water to quench your thirst. 

In Exodus no doubt the Israelites felt they were entering the desert. After all, they set out on a journey that should have taken a week... Yet they wandered for forty years.

“You brought me here in forty years, when I know this trip should take a week.” – Enter the Worship Circle, You Are Mine

They longed for arrival at their destination; they wanted to make it to the Promised Land. Yet in their wandering - in all their confusion, in what may have seemed like an aimless, purposeless, waste-of-time journey - God provided what they needed.

He provided water to sustain their lives - from a rock no less (Exodus 17). And manna. We musn't forget the manna. God literally made it "rain bread from heaven" (Exodus 16:4). 

The Israelites were forced to trust and rely on the Lord like never before. And no doubt they consequently drew nearer to Him than ever before. And lo and behold - He was faithful. 

"A desert is nothing more than a barren expanse of sand dunes that can't support wildlife or vegetation. A wilderness may certainly have long, arid regions like that, but the withering dryness is sprinkled with springs and oases." - Priscilla Shirer, One in a Million

He will turn what seems like a desert into a wilderness. He will provide springs and oases when we need them the most.

I came out of the wilderness of my Lenten journey a few days ago. And it's funny - I now view the "wilderness" as not-so-much-a-wilderness at all, but to me the view looks something a little more like this:

Turns out it wasn't the desert it may have seemed at first glance. While there were many times I wanted to connect through technology, the Lord truly provided me with what I needed:

I needed to disconnect from technology in order to connect more effectively with my Savior.

I needed to break my habit of checking one social media app on my phone to the other in order to establish a habit of prayer, meditation and Scripture memorization. 

I needed to quiet my mind in order to hear the voice of the Lord more loudly than ever before.

I'm not itching to re-enter the social media world. I'm not longing to be out of the "wilderness." Because it's in the wilderness where the Lord transforms us, changes us, molds our hearts to become more like His. And that, my friends, is worth the wandering.

"Part of the reason the wilderness makes spiritual sense is because it enables us to know Him more intimately than we would if left to our own desires and devices." - Priscilla Shirer, One in a Million

There will be more thoughts to come on my time in the "wilderness," but for now, I am re-entering slowly, making sure I bring with me all that He has shown and taught me along the way.

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If you liked this post, you may want to read: into the wilderness, remaining faithful in the wilderness, when nothing is certain everything is possible

into the wilderness

I'll be going away for awhile. At least online, that is.

I am taking a hiatus from social media. And blogging.

Don't get me wrong, social media has its benefits. And I absolutely love blogging. But I feel the Lord calling me to give them up for awhile. 40 days to be exact.

Lent starts tomorrow. The 40 days leading up to Easter. The resurrection of Christ. A death that made possible life in the greatest sense of the word.

It's a time when in choosing to give up - or "fast" - something we like, we "remember the temptation, the suffering, and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ." And this season "begins with self-examination - a time to evaluate your life and seek spiritual renewal" (Bel Air Pres. Lenten Devotional).

To make room for the "new," we must get rid of the "old." To experience a birth of a new self, we must die to our old self. In a great talk about putting to death earthly things, Keenan Barber said:

"There are parts of our lives we have to die to in order to come alive." 

And Jesus himself says in Matthew 16:25:

"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." 

Giving up social media is in no way "losing my life" but it will be a radical change, no doubt. I'm as guilty as anyone of being "addicted" to Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest...

If you really think about it though, all this "connectivity" is really creating superficiality. It seems we are more worried about capturing the perfect Instagram photo than actually being in the moment. Or checking our phones constantly at the expense of the human beings right in front of us.

I heard a profound statement once:

"We are human beings, not human doings."

There are a few reasons I am giving up social media:

• I want to find my self-worth in Christ - just being His child - not in doing anything. Not in how many of my photos are "liked," tweets "retweeted," or blog entries read. 
• I want to really know people - not just this cyber/avatar version of them. I want to know their dreams and struggles - not just view their Pinterest-worthy photos and think I know what they're about.
• I want to use my time here on this earth wisely, not "accidentally" wasting precious hours scrolling through five different apps on my phone. 

I think of all the times I feel fragmented because of these distractions and how wise Clyde Kilby is in saying:

"I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, 'fulfill the moment as the moment.' I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is just now."

So into the wilderness of no social media I go.

Elijah fled for his life through the wilderness for 40 days. Moses fasted and prayed for 40 days. Jesus himself was tempted in the wilderness for 40 days.

Pretty sure I can handle this "wilderness."

It won't be easy. It will take some getting used to. But that's the point.

Each time I catch myself reaching out for my phone, I will think of Christ reaching out to me - wanting so desperately for me to seek Him, know Him, and find life in Him.

Colossians 3:3 tells us:

"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

And in the "hiding" of my life in Him, who knows what I may find - or rather, what He may reveal. After all, He revealed to Elijah how to overcome his enemies. He gave Moses the Ten Commandments. And, well, Jesus withstood the temptation and successfully fulfilled His mission as Savior for all mankind.

I predict at the very least I will find truth in the following statement:

"How much happier you would be if you only knew that these people cared nothing about you! How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure… You would break out of this tiny and tawdry theater in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers.” – G.K. Chesterson