summer lovin'

Summer is the season of love. Of warm weather, of walks on the beach, of weddings.

Today is the anniversary of my parents’ wedding. They have been married 35 years. “22 happy ones,” my dad jokes. While some might take offense to that comment, my mom welcomes it. She just laughs.

See, that’s the thing. My parents love to laugh. In fact, they have both said on multiple occasions that one of the reasons they are still together – one of the reasons they are still happy – is their ability to laugh… at each other and at life.

“Laughter is the only thing that will keep you sane…” – Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors

I love to hear my parents laugh. And I love hear my parents’ love story.

They met at church when they were ten years old. For my dad it was love at first sight. For my mom it was love about five minutes before this photo was taken:

While my parents have had their share of laughter throughout the years, laughter has certainly not been what has held them together...

Read the full article here at Lovely Magazine. 

the sacred search.

It's what people write songs about, make movies about, dream about. It's the stuff of fairytales.

Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. Prince meets maiden. Damsel meets knight-in-shining-armor.

And they live happily ever after...

Right?

From the time we can read and write - or even just listen -  we are bombarded with messages that lead us to believe that this - the stuff of fairytales - is what awaits us.

But if you've ever been in a relationship, seen a relationship, heard about a relationship - in real life - then you know that life is messy, relationships are messier, and "happily every after" doesn't quite seem to pan out.

For most of my life I was a hopeless romantic. Like any other little girl I dreamt of the day when I would walk down that aisle in glowing white. When I would finally get my happily every after.

And for most of my life I was single.

I was waiting for a handsome prince to sweep me off my feet - to pursue me, to court me, to treat me the way I knew I deserved to be treated. I was waiting to somehow date "the right way." God's way.

Now, I'm no saint. But for years I struggled to understand what God wanted a dating relationship to look like. The Bible doesn't say much about them specifically. Those days it seems it pretty much went down like this: you turned twelve, got married, and that was that.

So what did God have in mind for dating these days?

I often referred to Gary Thomas' book Sacred Marriage for guidance on relationships. This book - while brilliant - is not entirely applicable as a guide for dating relationships.

And then one day I stumbled upon this white book with a red heart on it that radically changed my views on dating.

In his equally brilliant book, The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas explains that we are called to treat one another very differently when dating versus when married. 

When you walk down that aisle (or wait at the end of the aisle), and you say "I do," you are called to love that person unconditionally. You are called to enhance their strengths and minimize their weaknesses. You are called to make the relationship work no matter what.

When you are in a dating relationship, you are not called to love that person unconditionally. You are called to enhance their weaknesses and minimize their strengths. You are not called to make that relationship work no matter what.

There is so much more to this book. I could write my own book just about how great this one is.

For instance, infatuation. Did you know that when you start dating someone, your brain is biochemically clouded from making completely rational, sound, and objective judgments about that other person? For 12-18 months? 

Add in the physical aspect of a relationship, and well, it's what Gary calls being "vulnerable and stupid." But what happens when that physical attraction starts to simmer and what was once "vulnerable and stupid" is now "miserable and lonely?"

What if instead of basing our relationships off attraction and chemistry we based them off character and compatibility?

Wouldn't we be preventing a lot of heartache down the line in the wake of irresponsible relationships? Wouldn't we, instead, be setting ourselves up for the foundation of a solid and godly marriage?

I'm a dreamer. I always have been. I always will be. But I no longer dream of that handsome prince to sweep me off my feet.

I still dream of happily ever after. But it's a different kind of happily ever after. One in which a godly man points me, our family, and others to Christ. One in which God's kingdom is advanced exponentially more because of our relationship than it would be if I were single.

Whether you are single or in a relationship, whether you are ending things with someone or questioning whether they are "the one," I challenge you to ask yourself:

What if it's not about who we marry, but why? 

dreams in which I'm dying

"The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." - Roland Orzabal, Mad World

These lyrics, though they seem morbid at first, actually have some inspiring truth.

You see, dreams that have to do with dying actually have nothing to do with death and everything to do with rebirth. 

A dream about dying is one that represents the death of the old to make room for the new.

Sometimes we must get rid of the old to make room for the new. In our careers, in relationships, and in life.

"In this life-creative adventure the criterion of achievement will be... the courage to let go of the past... to die to the world and come to birth from within." - Joseph Campbell 

We must release the comfort of our comfort zone to make room for new opportunities, new successes, new achievements. We must release the pain of past relationships to make room for the joy of a new one. We must release our fear of getting rejected to make room for the potential of getting everything we ever wanted.

"Love is letting go of fear." - Gerald Jampolsky 

Yesterday in church, our pastor was talking about a tree in his backyard he had cut down. However, the guy he hired merely sawed through the base and left the stump. So my pastor was unable to plant the new tree he wanted in that same spot. And new life began to grow right from that same old stump.

Much like that tree, we must tear out the entire stump and the roots of our old selves in order to plant a fresh tree and have a new beginning with new growth.

"When you decide to improve your life, the first thing you will experience is loss... The 'old' you has to die so that the 'new' you can be born. The first act of creation is always destruction." - Katherine Woodward Thomas

In the same manner, in order for Christ to provide life in us, we must first die to ourselves.

The Bible calls us to "take up our cross daily and follow Jesus." (Luke 9:23) It tells us we are "buried with Him through baptism into death in order that... we too may live a new life." (Romans 6:4).

"We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body." - 2 Corinthians 4:10-11

There must be a death of the old to make room for the new.

We must get rid of our idea for the way we want our lives to turn out in order to make room for God's idea for the way He wants our lives to turn out. 

"He must become greater and I must become less." - John 3:30

The only way to make room for the new is to get rid of the old. What is the "old" in your life to which you are holding that is preventing the glory of the "new" from shining in?

It's not easy to let go of the old without sight of the new that will replace it. But until we make room, the new will never come.

So we release the "old" in faith that the "new" will come, and it will be so much better than that for which we were settling.

"If there is one thing to bear in mind until the truth of its words eases the heart troubled by apparent failure and loss, it is this: The new life is always greater than the old." - Ralph Blum

God promises us this:

"He who loses his life will find it." - Matthew 10:39 

Is God holding out on you?

"Is God holding out on me...?"

I have found myself asking that question... more than once in the last few years.

Have you been there yourself? Doubted? Questioned? Waited? For far too long... For the Lord to bring some sort of provision? Longing? Desire of your heart?

Does it ever seem as if the Lord is putting you through more grueling work, making you endure even more of the very thing from which you are so desperately asking Him to escape?

I am so honored and blessed with this opportunity to share my thoughts - and the Lord's - on Becoming Chao today. Won't you join me to find out...
"Is God holding out on you?"