I love the mornings. The day is fresh. I am renewed. My energy is restored.
As I walk down to the ocean, I feel a strange sense of peace wash over me. In the mornings I have more "life is good" moments than "what am I doing with my life?!" ones.
It's day 3 of my challenge, and I'm feeling pretty awesome. I'll be honest though: Yesterday I had another moment of doubt, of frustration, of shouting - albeit playfully, to my sweet boyfriend who so patiently listens to my frustrations - "I'm tired of waiting!!"
I think back on my day and the highs and lows of yesterday, and I am convicted by my continuation to doubt what God is doing with my life and with how quickly I forget.
"How quickly I forget I'm yours." - Addison Road, Hope Now
I had an interview with a Christian magazine yesterday about our 168 film, Riva, a short film I helped create for the 168 Film Festival. A film that has a pretty cool story for me behind it. A film that has now been nominated for ten awards!
As I answered the questions and did my best to convey what the process was like - from drawing the verse, Mark 5:34, to writing it, casting it, securing locations, actors, wardrobe and props, to filming and editing it in just 168 hours, and everything in between - I was reminded of just how much God did show up in that project. From start to finish, He never let me down.
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| The Lord completely showed up and blessed our film shoot in Athens, Texas. He led me feet and guided my path. |
And therein lies the conviction I feel when doubts continue to creep into the dark corners of my mind, when my impatience grows strong and my grumbling stronger, when I become so self-focused that I can't possibly become God-focused.
I'm sure you've felt like I have. Both encouraged in seasons of life when God seems to be on your side, so clearly evident in guiding your path, yet discouraged in seasons when He seems to be in some far off distance, leaving you feeling abandoned and alone on a rocky and winding path.
I'm sure you, too, have asked the question, "What am I doing with my life?!"
Well, while I can't answer that question for you - or even for myself at the moment - if there's one thing I know to do when I have such thoughts, it's to seek Truth. And the Truths God so faithfully and gently reminds me are - among others:
"See? I am doing a new thing! Do you not perceive it? I am making a roadway in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19)
"Behold, I am making all things new." (Revelation 21:5)
"I will never leave or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:8)
"I uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)
"I will lead you beside still waters." (Psalm 23:2)
"I will never let your foot slip." (Psalm 121:3)
"I am with you always, to the ends of the age." (Matthew 28:20)
He is there when we don't feel him. He has answers amidst our questions.
I've realized I have my question all wrong. It's not "what am I doing with my life?" but "what is He doing with my life?"
And doing with my life - something great, something unknown, something better than anything plan I could ever conjure up - He is. And He is doing the same in yours. He will bring the good work He started in us to completion (Philippians 1:6).
Next time we find ourselves on an unpredictable path, let's remember the One who is guiding us.
Next time our faith wavers, let's remember the One who is constant.
Next time we doubt, let's remember the One who is certain in our lives.
"Lord, I find you in the seeking. Lord, I find you in the doubt." - All Sons and Daughters, Oh How I Need You
When it feels like we are waiting, He is working.
When it feels like we are wandering, He is guiding.
When it feel like we don't know what we're doing with our life, He does.
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