wait, what?

This has been a season of waiting for me in my career. As an actor you are constantly on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, highs and lows, excitements and disappointments.

The majority of an actor's career is being told "no." They say you only book 5% of the auditions you go on... That's like interviewing 20 times before you ever get a job. In fact, they say it's the actor's job to audition.

Wait, what?

So you're telling me my job is to spend time and money, time and time again, only to receive nothing in return? Well, yes and no.

I have come to terms with the fact that my job is to audition. What I have a hard time with is when my auditions are few and far between. I have a hard time waiting for auditions.... much less waiting to book a job.

But like I said, I've accepted that my job is to audition. Now, I can either wait patiently to book a role, or I can wait in angst and distress.

I'm not gonna lie, some days I want to wallow in angst and distress. The weeks and months and years of pounding the pavement and seeing little in return pile up, and I can't help but feel overwhelmed.

I usually have 1-2 "breakdowns" a year about my career. I let myself wallow for a few minutes, and then I remind myself of what I know deep down to be true - that every day I am making progress in my career, every day I am becoming a better actress, every day I am meeting new people and making connections in the industry. And that this is the most competitive career I could have chosen, but that I know that I am right where I am supposed to be.

After getting a callback for a commercial last week, and then getting another audition for which I had to change my flight home to Dallas, and booking neither of them, I was feeling a little frustrated. Isn't it about time I booked something already?

Then I opened up my devotional, and it was all about waiting. It was talking about how we are so focused on seeing results instantly, how we look at one day and think it's everything. But God looks at the bigger picture, at the whole of our lives.

"With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." - 2 Peter 3:8 

"While we obsess over where we are today and with what is going to happen in the next year, God's plans for us and this world usually take a long-term view." - Gary Thomas, Simply Sacred

And then I went to acting class, and of course the lesson related to this completely...

Isn't it funny how the things I needed reminding of seemed to be everywhere this week?

To be continued...